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morning, I dozed off. He went to the recording
studio to meet Steve to discuss arrangements for
our show's theme song.
"Don't leave this bed until I come home," Jude
said, kissing me goodbye.
"All right, I won't."
Wellington dashed under the covers, sleeping
against my back and I drifted back to sleep. I
found myself smiling at the memory of Niven and
Athalie meeting at a punk rock concert in Paris,
yet neither of them liked the music.
"It was love at first sight," Jude told me. "Just
like us."
I hugged the feeling to myself. I was jolted from
dreamland by the special ring of my telephone. I
assumed it was Suzanne and now we were
shooting parts and pieces of the series, she called
constantly. It was usually important.
I was not however, expecting my mom.
"Tell me you're joking, Darren. I've seen the
Today Show. Prudence and I just Googled zombies
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With this Ring
and they eat humans' brains. Why would you
want to marry a zombie? You won't make it past
your wedding day!"
I cradled the phone against my ear and checked
the time. Eight-forty five AM. My mom must have
been upset. Not even the 1994 earthquake that
destroyed our house got her out of bed before
noon.
The space beside me in our bed had never felt
emptier and no, Wellington didn't count. Where
was Jude? Probably still on his way to Santa
Monica. I imagined him roaming the
neighborhood, in spite of a GPS system in his
SUV. He had the worst sense of direction. It was
quite endearing actually.
He'd never attempted to eat my brain. He ate
my ass and cock on a regular basis, but I didn't
mention that to my mom.
"We're getting married," I told her. And I
couldn't be happier."
She gasped.
"Christ, Darren, are you trying to kill me?"
"No," I said. I wanted to add that her constant
Botox and bizarre live sheep cell treatments might
just do the trick, but I didn't want to start a fight.
My mom apparently had other ideas.
"You think I don't read the paper, Darren?
You've applied for a marriage license in the city of
West Hollywood. The law might be changed and
the new gay governor supports gay marriage.
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A.J Llewellyn
Under review is gay marriage between the living
and the& er& unliving."
This was news to me. Jude and I are making
history! We're paving the way for weirdoes
everywhere! Freak flags unite!
"For God's sake, Darren. What do you see in
this& "
I could hear my mother's life partner, Prudence,
whispering in the background.
"Person?" my mother finished. Good old
Prudence.
"How can I explain about my attraction to him?
Who can explain love? You left Dad for another
woman& and I love a zombie."
My mother's tone turned icy. "There's a big
difference between loving another woman and a
zombie."
Not by much.
"Have you thought about counseling?" she
asked.
No, have you?
Athalie had warned me about days like this,
especially once the show went air, she urged me
not to listen to negativity. You're not the first man to
love a male zombie. You're just the first to want to
marry one.
"What do you see in him?" Mom sounded
desperate now.
"He has a very big cock and a fantastic sense of
humor."
"Oh, God. Thanks for sharing."
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"You asked," I reminded her.
"I suppose we should meet him. Does he eat?"
"Yes, he eats. But I don't think it's a good idea.
He hates being stared at and I know you'll stare at
him."
"Don't be ridiculous. I want to meet him. I'm&
ash& curious about how you met him? I mean,
this has come as a bit of a shock, you know,
sweetie."
How could I tell her it was all a shock to me,
too? She would grab onto it and use it against me.
I just knew my mother's tricks after a lifetime of
dealing with them.
I could hear her and Prudence talking in the
background.
"What is she saying?" I asked, struggling to
hear. The voices rose. "Hello? Mom?" I waited as I
heard Prudence scream.
"Does your father know?" Mom asked.
"I left a message," I said. "He hasn't called back.
"This will kill him."
"Thanks," I said. "I must go now."
I was suddenly very cold. Where the hell was
Jude? I shivered slightly at the word hell.
Sometimes Jude described his life on earth as hell.
When he was inside me, when we were fucking,
he described it as heaven.
It was hard being alone. I felt isolated, but the
truth was, I only wanted to be with him. The
phone rang and I was delighted to hear Athalie's
voice.
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A.J Llewellyn
"Come and meet me for lunch," she said.
"I'm not supposed to get out of bed."
"Well, then, I'll come to you."
She made me laugh so hard I agreed. She'd
been in the apartment two minutes, winning over
a swooning Wellington when my dad called.
Athalie spoke to him and suggested he meet us for
lunch.
My dad, who still hasn't forgiven my mom for
leaving me for their marriage therapist, hesitated.
He was so down on women. However, he met us
at Pace up on Laurel Canyon and like me, was
hypnotized by Athalie.
"You're really dead?" he asked her so many
times I was forced to kick him under the table.
"Ow, Darren, ow," he said. "Why are you
kicking me?"
Our lunch went on so long that Jude was home,
calling me on my cell.
He groaned when I told him we were at Pace.
"Come home, Darren and bring our parents
with you."
Athalie and Dad came back to the apartment. I
made coffee, but a few minutes later, Niven
arrived, brandishing a bottle of Armand de
Brignac champagne.
"We must celebrate our two families uniting,"
Niven said.
I felt quivers of pleasure at having landed such
a swell pair of in-laws. My dad's face quivered
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With this Ring
with jealousy when he saw Niven and Athalie
embrace.
"Dad, how's Ruthie?" I asked, trying to distract
him.
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