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was tagging behind him, her face a familiar mix of irritation and amusement. I
knew that expression; it used to be mine.)
"Mom! Grab him, already!"
I reached out and managed to snag my runaway munchkin with a quick shift to
the left. "Gotcha!"
He erupted into peals of giggles and went limp, falling to the ground and
squealing "No tickling, Mommy"
when he very clearly wanted desperately to be tickled. I complied, managing to
avoid flailing feet as I
caught him in one big tickle extravaganza. While he squealed, I scooped him up
and let him hang upside down as I said good-bye to Father Ben and promised to
see him in the morning.
Only after Allie and I were heading toward the car me with a limp bundle of
boy did I realize that I
could hardly spend the day plowing through church records with a toddler
clinging to my thigh. I could barely sit down long enough to check my e-mail
without Timmy throwing a fit. Several hours in a basement expecting him to
behave just wasn't feasible.
I frowned, considering my options. I could count on Laura to watch him once or
twice, but unless I was extremely lucky (doubtful considering the direction of
my luck lately), I wasn't going to find the answer by
Wednesday.
Bottom line? I was going to have to find a day care, not to mention pay for
it. That was something I
couldn't keep secret from Stuart, and the thought of discussing it with him
made my stomach hurt almost as much as the idea of leaving my baby in someone
else's charge during the day.
Allie must have caught my expression as I was strapping Tim into his car seat.
She frowned, then started to say something, but seemed to think better of it.
Then, being fourteen, she changed her mind again.
"Mom?"
"Yeah, hon?"
"Oh, nothing. No big."
I could tell from her voice that it wasn't nothing, but in a particularly bad
mommy moment, I pretended to
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be too caught up with my toddler to notice. I gave Tim's straps a tug, handed
him his sippy cup and Boo
Bear, then trotted around the van to the driver's side. By the time I slid
behind the wheel, Allie was already buckled in. She looked fine, but she was
picking at her fingernails, peeling away the purple glitter polish she and
Mindy had so carefully applied last night.
Damn.
I dreaded answering questions that I didn't want voiced, but at the same time,
I couldn't really assume this was all about me. For all I knew, Allie had a
deep and desperate crush on one of the altar boys.
I waited until I'd maneuvered the winding road that led from the cathedral
back down to the Pacific
Coast Highway. Then I headed north toward our neighborhood, the Pacific Ocean
on my left and my daughter moody and quiet on my right.
"Anything you want to talk about?"
Her shoulders lifted. "Uhdunna."
I thought about that for a second, then interpreted it as
I don't know
. Ah-ha! Progress.
"Are you worried about school tomorrow?"
Another shrug, this one accompanied with an "I guess."
It was an opening, and I grabbed it. I was pretty sure school wasn't on her
mind at the moment, but since
I didn't have any other leads, I jumped in with both feet. "You're going to be
fine. You have, what, three classes with Mindy? And most of your junior-high
friends are going to Coronado. Give it a month, and you'll forget you were
ever worried."
Behind us, Timmy was carrying on a serious conversation with Boo Bear. I
glanced toward the backseat, and he flashed me a sleepy grin, then pulled the
bedraggled bear closer. I didn't need to look at my watch to tell it was
getting close to naptime.
"I know," she said, still picking at her fingernails. "It's not that."
"Boys?"
"
Mo-ther
!" She arched her back and tossed her head, letting loose a sigh of
exasperation. Now, this was the kid I knew. "It's not like I
always think about boys."
"That's good to know," I said. I kept my eyes fixed on the road, afraid that
if I looked at my daughter, I'd crack a smile. "I'm very happy to hear that."
From the corner of my eye, I could see her shaking her head, completely
exasperated with the pain-in-the-butt who was her mother.
I was out of options, so I kept my mouth shut over the next few miles. At
least she wasn't brooding anymore, so I counted that as a minor victory.
Unfortunately, if she really wasn't worried about school or boys, then that
left family. Or some other completely unrelated problem that I knew nothing
about.
Neither possibility appealed to me.
Timmy's soft snores drifted to the front of the van, and I realized I'd missed
my window of naptime opportunity. I should have gunned the van all the way
home and gotten him into his crib right after Mass.
Now that he was asleep, this was it. Never once had I managed to transfer him
from the car to the house
without waking him, and once he wakes up, he's good to go for the rest of the
day.
I love my little boy, but I love him even more after a two-hour nap. Trust me.
Fifteen-minute naps result in rampant crankiness. And that goes for both
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toddler and Mommy.
I considered my options, then tapped the brakes as we approached California
Avenue, the main east-west thoroughfare that divides San Diablo. I made a
right turn and headed east, following the road as it cut through the canyons
before leveling out when we hit San Diablo proper.
"Where are we going?" Allie asked. I understood her confusion. Our house is in
a subdivision off of
Rialto, the road just north of California Avenue. While the city planners
should have put in a few more cross streets, they didn't, making it impossible
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